Dear U.S. government

I would appreciate your benefits a lot more if they weren't so damn difficult to get. After faxing an application for food stamps and having it get lost in the system despite multiple follow-up phone calls, then waiting in the office for two hours because 1) you changed the hours that caseworkers can see people without telling me and 2) you have a sign up that says "wait here for applications" even though you actually have to wait on the other side of the room first, I fully intend to find some extravagant recipes and milk the next nine months of free food for all they're worth.

(Also, you should maybe train your employees to be a little more sensitive, ie. not say things like, "They tend to come in droves. Maybe they all took the bus at the same time." Uh, I drove here. Thanks for knowing a lot about poverty.)